Saturday 18th September

 

18/09/04 Day 77

I lived my throtes not to wake, Sleeping majesty but yet ogun (field and 'made' sum up out of led pormatos the shower, however was wonderful (except for the shower curtain). look at the tourist office, they gave us a handy accomodation booklet (could have done with that yesterday) and over an expresso and cornetto at a cafe (doing the Interrailing) we debated the merits of San gimignano or Asciano (having realised we are not classy enough to Stay in Siena - but that ok cos Im going to live here later in life where I marry a local italian - I have discovered this is the only way to truly live my Italian dream). We decided on San Gimignano and walked well rise to miles out Lucca, Carrara and Monte Siracause due to lack of fast moving vehicle. Italian clearly did not want to hang around for much more than an how but got in case I fell in and could went it was requested a tour round the town, including a Stop at the one and then the cathedral, which, to save time, was the most or actually facade. I was whisked away for an adequate lunch (I really must stop making thick creamy dessous as it means no miss trains"). the train took us to empolicchere I was fine on I could eat I no no so get to diet. Aussie an American woman (Linda) would where like English speakers! but I'm sure they would have worked just when stuck out I'm sure they would have worked it out between them/fate/the landslide, will letsun Streaming down was beautiful - a case of a picture spoke a thousand words). San G, as Dad said was all a hill and from the button I could see why it is called the manhattan of Tuscany - the town is based on towers. The originally, was 54 (5. is we winded up tho hill and I thought scieness stomming from exhaustion and from too much pictuesque-ness, the views became even more idyllic. The town, much nice same style as Siena ie. gothic had wails wound it. San G is smaller though and full of las-classy day-trippers who couldn't afford to Stay in Siena. There was a queue at the accom place. I felt like & queue for thos registration and we managed to pick up some free tour tickets from a nice German lasy (which we can't use). We got a room in a town house, sharing a bathroom and with roof a kitchen.

The owner knows 'night' but no other English so this made room for some practice (which, I fear, will be my last). Brian went and did the shopping while I lazed around in bed like tho sloth that I am (just so you don't have to write that). And then he prepared dinner (also while I did nothing). And we took a stroll round the walls and through the town from where the daytrippers had gone and the 'locals' had emerged (group of old guys just stood around chattering in Italian!) street. I think we've found Tuscany at last!

And while I'm writing the plan has changed (And while Ian writing the world doesn't stop, you finishy)

I'm sorry that I am arrogant. I'm sorry that when I achieve something, or get something right I make as big a deal of it as I can. Is that means it ends up being rubbed in peoples faces then it's just (CON[fidence). I do not judge other people by their abilities in respect to mind, is they do then it's their problem. This is the way I can: save and achievement are everything to me. It's what drives me, it's how my mind works. But I never judge other people on the standards I set for myself, and I am not a good person for people to judge themselves against on my standards.

Making you happy is (in a very simplified and unromantic way) at my ultimate task in life. It's what I did at Uni. It's trained a Valentines Day sign and ran ever to Trevus with it. It's why I brought you those flowers. It's why I could always tidy my room, prepare the lighting, and tidy and guess what music you'd want, before you came over. I did it then but it wasn't in your face because we weren't in those circumstances.

I wholingly admit I make some terrible mistakes. Early on, which you quite rightly raised and I aged upon them. I was alwaysBrian: Trying to make you happy. I just got it wrong. I need you to be happy and I need you to love me. That's got to be my weakness. Nearly everything I do for you is to achieve those two things. There is very little I do for you because I think you can't do it, and the few things that I do for that reason I believe are perfectly justified and mainly things you've asked me to do - i.e. they are things you know you can't do.

I do not look down on you and think of you as inferior. I think of you as who you are. Anything I do for you that you can do yourself is me doing it to make you happy, or make a rare and I would like to think unforgivable mistake on my part where I thought you couldn't/wouldn't do it. Remember you are very complicated - it's hard to tell sometimes!

I could not have done this on my own (btw, I believe you could have), and there's nobody else I could have put up with or could have put up with me for this long. I know how difficult I am. Thank you.

My one wish is that you could see yourself through my eyes, then you would see that what I say I think of you is true, and you would see who you really are.